A chicken sandwich post? In 2022? Are you insane?!?!?!
I know, I know. I’m a few years behind the curve. The Chicken Sandwich Wars were so 2020. But I think it’s actually worthwhile to take a retrospective glance. To look back on the carnage and the glory, to get a real sense of the winners and losers of this incredible period in fast food history.
Also, I still haven’t read enough books to do a book reviews post. So this is what you get instead.
SPICY CRISPY CHICKEN SANDWICH (McDonald’s, $4.99) When I tried this sandwich it was fresh, crisp, and smothered in pale orange sauce. I think the sauce is mayonnaise based. It’s not particularly spicy if you’re used to spice. There isn’t much of a “flavor” to the sauce that I can discern, I’m guessing it’s just cayenne and paprika or something. Sometimes the sandwich comes so slathered in sauce it’s dangerous to eat. Each mouthful is wet and sloppy. Gobs of sauce dribble out the back every time you take a bite. In fact, the sandwich is so wet, I think it should be called the “wet chicken” sandwich instead of the spicy chicken sandwich. It has a couple of pickles on it but you can’t really taste them over the sauce and the fried chicken patty. The bun is either toasted or colored in some way to make it look like it’s toasted. The piece of chicken is fairly small compared to some of the others on the list. All in all, it’s a delicious fast food sandwich.
SPICY CH’KING SANDWICH (Burger King, $4.99) I love the name of this sandwich because it reminds me of Maggy, my favorite character from Little Dorrit, who loves going to the hospital to eat oranges and “chicking.” What a joy it is to pretend to be Maggy, squealing with delight while you sit in your car in the Burger King parking lot, repeatedly shouting the word “chicking” and devouring this delectable sandwich. The sandwich looks like it’s going to be a “wet chicken” like its McDonald’s counterpart, but in reality it tastes fairly dry. I guess the wetness is just an optical illusion. The large piece of fried chicken is drenched in a tangy, spicy-sweet glaze. There’s also a dollop of spicy mayo, and of course some pickles. This sandwich is exciting and festive, it feels like you’re eating a fried chicken feast on a bun! That said, it’s also liable to give you a stomach ache if you’re not careful. At 1500 calories, it’s one of the least healthy fast food sandwiches ever created.
NB: This menu item has been RETIRED and is no longer available at most Burger King locations. A quick review of the available evidence suggests that while the sandwich was well-received critically, it did not sell well enough to earn a permanent slot on the ever-evolving BK menu. A tragic casualty of the Chicken Sandwich Wars to be sure.
SPICY CHICKEN SANDWICH TACO (Taco Bell, $1-2???) I got this a long time ago, I can barely remember it. But I do remember it being pretty gross. The little of piece of fried chicken looked like a revolting gray larva wrapped in a soft taco shell. I love Taco Bell, this is just not what they do. Clearly it was an effort to capitalize on the Chicken Sandwich Wars, but not nearly enough thought or effort was put into the design and flavor of this product. It was discontinued after only a month on the menu, so if you managed to get one, good on you, I guess.
THE CHICKEN SANDWICH (POPEYE’S, $3.99, pictured in photo) This is the only chain I visited so confident in the quality of its fried chicken sandwich that it places said sandwich as option number ONE on its menu. This is the unequivocal winner of the Chicken Sandwich Wars, the big daddy of them all. There’s simply no contest. The bun is correct, buttery and warm. The piece of chicken is large and decadent. The pickles are thick. The dollop of mayo is perfectly proportioned. The breading is on point. It is perfectly fried without being greasy, how do they do it? There were lines down the block when this sandwich came out, and it’s easy to see why. To this day, many locations sell out of the sandwich well before closing. If you haven’t tried it, what are you waiting for?
SPICY CHICKEN SANDWICH (Wendy’s, $4.69) I’m going to be honest: I only tried this because Popeye’s ran out of chicken sandwiches and this was next door. With all due respect to Dave (may he RIP), this is just not in the same league as the big dogs. It’s much more of a traditional fast food sandwich, it doesn’t even really taste like chicken, it’s more of a gloopy, mushy flavor mélange. The spiciness is nonexistent, there is supposedly a “unique, fiery blend of peppers and spices” fried into the breading, but the only notes I detected were mayo, mayo, and more mayo. I’m not saying it was bad, it just tastes like depression. It’s not really something to “enjoy,” it’s more of a memento mori. You want to eat it fast and feel the trans-fats glooping catastrophically into your blood. Get that little hit of impending death, and get on with your life.
SPICY CHICKEN SANDWICH (KFC, $6.99) One of the greasiest, gloppiest, stinkiest wet chickens out there. And at $7.55 including tax it’s no bargain, either! This is sort of like a drugstore dupe for the Popeye’s sandwich, but at almost twice the cost, so what’s the point? Everything is just slightly down a par. I think they could use some quality control. The one thing I will say is that the spiciness of the sauce, while not overpowering during the consumption of the sandwich, lingered delightfully on the palate for minutes after eating. I definitely enjoyed this sandwich, but I wouldn’t go back anytime soon. As a matter of fact, I won’t be going back to any of these places in the near future, I feel kind of sick. Just broccoli and brown rice will be good for a while. Tiny pieces of spinach or something. Broiled fish. You know, stuff like that.
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